Posts Tagged ‘book about the place’

40. Beach Games

Sunday, May 16th, 2010

I just want to lie on the beach, drink, smoke cigarettes and, if I feel like it, read a book. I want to people watch. I want to take photos of children frolicking in the surf. Just kidding, I actually don’t, but people who are into photography do.

Since I came here on vacation, I want to bask in pure laziness. If you would rather be active while at the beach, good for you, champ. Just don’t expect me to participate in any of the following games:

Beach Ultimate
  • Frisbee: I hate Frisbee. I especially hate people who are “good” at Frisbee, with their unconventional tosses and catches. Likewise, I detest Ultimate (perhaps the fruitiest team sport ever conceived). The only way Ultimate could get any worse is if it were played in a parking lot in rollerskates and cut-off jean shorts.
  • Beach volleyball: It’s never as competitive as it should be. The unathletic weak links on each team kinda ruin it. The only time it’s ever been truly competitive at the amateur level was when Maverick and Goose took on Iceman and Slider, while shirtless and wearing jeans (full-length jeans). Now THAT’S beach volleyball.
  • Beach tennis (a.k.a. Paddle ball): A variation of table tennis, without the table. Or the fun.
  • Beach soccer: I remember kicking somebody in the shin with bare feet while attempting to play beach soccer. My toes were throbbing for hours, an experience that forever soured my appreciation of beach soccer. And there’s no cross-bar over the net (which consists of two shoes as goalposts), so there’s always an argument as to whether or not a shot was “too high” to be a goal. Plus, North Americans are an absolute joke at soccer.
  • Hackey sack: The juggling can also be done with a soccer ball. But the hackey sack is more transportable and hippie/stoner-friendly. Either way, it’s extremely boring.
  • Beach (American) football: Non-North Americans cannot throw a football.
  • Beach rugby: I don’t even know how to play rugby. Most North Americans don’t. So yes, I am a pussy, according to Aussies, Kiwis, South Africans, Brits and certain Frenchmen.

A couple exceptions:

  • Patentero: A Filipino beach game that is super awesome. Ask my dad how to play it.
  • Bocce: I actually love this game, mostly because it can be played at a lethargic and effortless pace.

30. Female Backpacker Type B

Saturday, January 2nd, 2010

female-backpacker-type-b11The majority of female backpackers fall under two main types: the Type A and the Type B.

Female Backpacker Type B is a bookish explorer. She gets straight As. She used to sing in the high school choir, or play clarinet in the school band. A self-declared “citizen of the world,” she turns her nose up to the general crudeness of the “party backpacker” scene (a scene openly embraced by her counterpart, Miss Type A).

In a movie, she’d be played by Emmy Rossum, Erika Christensen or Rebecca Hall. Who the F are they? Exactly. That’s why those actresses play her. She’s not a scene stealer. More like a cute dork. But make no mistake : She is NOT HOT.

She studied psychology, anthopology or art history in university and has no idea what she wants to do with her life (a common condition among post-grad backpackers). She’s considering teaching English overseas or working for an NGO before making a real career decision (also a common condition among backpackers).

Female Backpacker Type B is a militant vegetarian and can be seen making a stink about the lack of vegetarian options on the menu, in restaurants the world over. Due to her keen sense of social justice, she is more than happy to cause a scene defending her rights or somebody else’s.

She is unafraid to fuse styles and resemble a crazy old hippie lady, wearing local souvenir garb alongside designer sunglasses and quality outdoor gear (see above photo). She wears grandma panties and refuses to show unnecessary cleavage. In spite of her conservative dress, she may have a tattoo about the place or engage in some uncharacteristic drug/sexual experimentation while at the place. She is human, after all, she confesses.

female-backpacker-type-b2A reader of this blog, Maya, describes Female Backpacker Type B as follows: “what scares me much more (than alpha females) are those chicks… sort of intellectual, specky, vegetarian, tea drinking, not using the f-word, wearing tie-dye stuff and organic hemp bags, etc. i’m sure they are all really nice girls… i consider myself a feminist (yeah, being feminist doesn’t actually mean one has to become a total dude) but somehow they always make me think they should just buy some really slutty underwear instead of the terry pratchett books!!!!!!”

Agreed. But I have no idea who Terry Pratchett is.

Speaking of books, she ALWAYS reads the book about the place en route to the place (or while at the place). She has a voracious appetite for sightseeing; she goes to bed early and gets up early, so to beat the line-ups at the Louvre, the Vatican City, Venice, the Egyptian pyramids and Angkor Wat. She is planning a hiking trip to Macchu Picchu with her girlfriends but worries that if she waits too long, they will all be settled down, having babies and averse to adventure. Perhaps she’ll simply do it on her own (after teaching English overseas or working for an NGO).

Like the aptly named Natalie Keener, Anna Kendrick’s character in Up in the Air, Female Backpacker Type B is lost in a dichotomous idealism: a hurried checklist of things she intends to see and do before reaching her goal of having a successful career, settling down with the perfect mate (with a lengthy checklist of necessary traits), having babies and somehow remaining as ambitious and adventurous as ever. Good luck with all of that.