Beenou (verb, onomatopoeia): To toot one’s own horn. To boast, brag or draw attention to one’s own superiority. A common flaw among backpackers. Can be done both explicitly (e.g. blatant beenouing: “I am awesome at Ultimate.”) and implicitly (e.g. back-handed beenouing or fishing for compliments: “Have you seen me throw a Frisbee?”). Can also function as a noun (e.g. “This blog is a huge beenou.”) Also, a female beenouer is commonly known as a “feemou.” Origin: Mimicry of jazz trumpet sounds, scat singing.

BTS: Backpacker Tattoo Syndrome (see 12. Tattoos About the Place).

CPS: Classic porcelain squat toilet (see 2. No Toilet Paper).

Deece (adjective): Short for “decent.” Variations include: deeceskis (for deece chicks), DAB (deece at best), BTDAB (better than deece at best), DABAB (deece at best, at best), drude (somewhere between DABAB and rude, or ugly).

F.E.T. (noun): Far East Talent = Asian women.

M.O.s: Makeouts. Variations include: DFMOs (Dance floor makeouts), LUMOs (Lineup makeouts, as in, in line waiting to get in the bar).

Feemou (noun): A female beenouer (See Beenou, above).

LDR: Long Distance Relationship (see 17. Long Distance Relationships)

LMS (Little Man’s Syndrome): pronounced “elms,” this syndrome is commonly known as a Napoleonic Complex, exhibited by men who are short in stature yet display aggressive and overcompensatory personality traits. Prone to peacocking and contact sports and rough horseplay (see 2. Aussies). Men with LMS often lift weights in order to “get jacked” and offset their unimpressive height. A common LMS greeting involves an iron-grip handshake, low-voiced laughter and a hug that turns into a lifting-taller-friend-off-the-ground (and thus displaying their great strength) exercise. Sometimes, LMS just applies to short guys in general.

Ploy (noun): A display of fake talent, intelligence or compassion performed in order to impress members of the opposite sex, and ultimately, to get laid. Men, particularly those on major sex droughts, are more likely to resort to ploys. Common backpacker ploys include: volunteering for NGOs; speaking a foreign language; being good with children and animals; caring about art, religion, world politics, the environment, feminism, gay rights, local inhabitants, and people with disabilities; disapproving of wild partying, drug use and promiscuity; and 18. Playing Guitar.

Primo (adjective): a) first-class: dinner at a primo restaurant; b) highly valuable or most essential: the primo player on the team. Variations include: preems, preemskis (for hot chicks). Not to be confused with Keith Primeau, whom I hate (I hate the Red Wings).

Wubes (adjective): “Wubes” is short for W.U.B.A.R. (Washed Up Beyond Any Recognition), which at my age works on so many levels: athletic ability (used to be deece at basketball, beenou – now I can barely get off the ground), party stamina (I’m old – I can’t drink all day and not pass out before midnight like I did at 21), scoring game (I can admit it), the list goes on. Unless you’re a genetic freak with an extraordinary metabolism, backpacking makes you wubes.

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