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21. Female Backpacker Type A

Female Backacker Type A is a proud species. She’s a major overcompensator who goes to great lengths to be cool. She tries to be one of the dudes, and in many cases, she is. So in her defence, at least she knows how to have a good time.

She’s a party animal. She’s crude. She’s promiscuous. She pretends to not give a shit about her appearance or she goes halfway with it. For example, her clothes are tattered but she makes enough of an effort to shave her armpits and wear eye make-up. She used to be hot in high school, but she has since developed a fat ass and cankles, which is why so many guys are on the fence about hooking up with her: Her face is cute, but her body is a train wreck, mostly because she parties too damn much (see 20. Getting “wubes”). She wears baggy cargo shorts, birks, hemp jewelry, wifebeaters and sometimes rocks the dreads. She has tattoos and a few piercings. Cute face, though.

female-backpacker-type-a2If I were to cast her in a movie, I’d choose somebody like Pink or Minnie Driver.

The thing that annoys me the most about Female Backpacker Type A is that she’s a blatant chameleon: She will self-transform to blend into any social situation and be accepted like everybody else. If The Gibbon Experience is perceived as the hip, edgy eco-tourism activity du jour, she is all over it. She’s out there promoting it like it’s the best thing since sliced bread, because  nobody knows about it (you find out later they’re booked solid for the next four months so, in actuality, everybody DOES know about it).

She’s so adventurous. If you want to know how adventurous, just ask her. She’ll cannonball off a cliff with reckless abandon, just like the fellas. She’d love to tell you about it because she’s a prolific feemou. She’s such a one-upper (see Kristen Wiig’s SNL character, Penelope), that regardless of the topic of conversation, she has something to add, relative to her own superior experience. But it’s all a facade. She’s bought into every cliche in the Backpacker’s Bible, not because she believes it, but because she thinks people will like her more if she does. A true chameleon.

I really shouldn’t complain because I’m all for women’s rights and Female Backpacker Type A is in many ways the prototype for the independent woman in 2009**. I think the bicep flexing WWII-era lady with the red polka-dot bandana was that generation’s Female Backpacker Type A. I’ve previously written that backpacking, like comic flatulence, is more of a guy’s thing, which is why hot chicks don’t do it (see 3. Where are the Hot Girls?). Well, Female Backpacker Type A is unafraid to rip a nasty fart. So, maybe I’m wrong and she actually doesn’t care what people think. If that’s the case, then you go girl.

“Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.” - Gloria Steinem

“Man is defined as a human being and a woman as a female — whenever she behaves as a human being she is said to imitate the male.” - Simone de Beauvoir

“Men are not the enemy, but the fellow victims. The real enemy is women’s denigration of themselves.” - Betty Friedan

** My ESP must really be kickin’ in today: NY Times article about Female Soldiers.

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4 Responses to “21. Female Backpacker Type A”

  1. Dascrow says:

    We have another word for them….Australians. Come on, you know I’m right. About 80% of the Aussie chicks you meet are just like this.

  2. hey says:

    Your use of that Simone de Beauvoir quote makes no sense. Maybe if you actually read the book it came from you wouldn’t be such a mouth-breathing misogynist?

  3. Liz Warner says:

    hmm, i’ve encountered some gals who has possess some of the traits you mentioned. But despite those ”not so” positive traits it was still nice to get to know some new buddies from a diff. culture :)

  4. I’m glad I stumbled upon your blog. I HATE backpackers, especially female backpacker style. They all wear horrible ali baba balloon pants, birkenstocks, have smelly clumpy hair and adorn flower tats on their feet. Makes me want to vomit. like your article except I think girls can be awesome cliff jumpers and party animals without being fat, farting shemales.

    And that’s what my blog is about- being a bad ass (and sexy) girl while traveling. You should check it out! Actually found your blog while working on next article which is how NOT to be a horrible ugly female backpacker, and to do it in style.

    I’ve added you to my blog roll, despite of your misogynist article (or maybe because of it).


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